Fear of Committment

engaged couple holding on hands - view from backside

What is it about us today that makes us so afraid to commit?  You may think I’m talking about relationships and marriage….and that’s part of it….but beyond our romantic relationships, we seem to have a genuine lack of commitment to one another these days.

Have you tried to make plans with some friends lately and got an answer something like “I’ll try to make it”, or “I’m not sure what I have going on”?  Have you sent an invitation for an event with an RSVP lately?  Good luck with that!  Like me, you may find this incredibly frustrating, but it seems to be the norm anymore.  What ever happened to saying “I’ll be there”, and then actually showing up?

I find it interesting that we will commit to our jobs every day and we will commit to our kids’ and their activities, but we will not commit to each other.  Why?  Have we stopped valuing our relationships?  Have we lost respect for each others’ time?  Are we so self-absorbed in our own lives that we are unable to be there for one another?

Maybe the real culprit is that we are always looking for something better to come along.  If I commit to a relationship with this man or this woman, what happens if I see something I like better?  What if I tell my buddy who has been down on his luck lately that I’ll hang out with him Saturday night, and then I find out that some friends are going to the local hot spot for a fun evening?  We somehow feel that we’ve missed out rather than being satisfied with the decision we made and committed to.

I’ve always been a big believer that people do what they WANT to do.  If something is important to someone, they will make time for it…make it work…do what it takes.  Period.  I once knew a man who stood me up multiple times for dates, yet he would never keep a client waiting.  That told me all I needed to know about his character and what truly mattered to him.  I think we can apply that thinking to all of our relationships, whether they are romantic, friendships, or professional contacts.

As Dr. Phil has been known to say (and no, I don’t normally quote Dr. Phil, but this is a good one), “We teach people how to treat us”.  Lets start demanding more from one another, and lets start giving the people that we care about the respect that they deserve.  If we can’t do that for one another, perhaps we need different friends and lovers.  And if we have someone in our lives that we know we can always count on no matter what, lets let them know how much we appreciate and value that trait because it truly is becoming a thing of the past.